Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Emotions....

When i started this blog i wanted to make sure i put EVERYTHING out there. Good, bad, ugly. So i am just going to type what i feel...

It has been such a roller coaster with Nevy these past few weeks. I've gone from confident and excited to feeling like a failure only in a matter of hours. Ive gone from feeling hopeless right back to the top the first time he "kissed" my face. Ive doubted my abilities, believed in my methods, and learned new things all in one day. After 3 weeks we are NOWHERE close to where i hoped we would be. Nevy is without a doubt the hardest horse i have worked with. The methods that i started using on him i quickly realized were not going to work for him. So i would try something else, that would be a bad fit... i have just stood and stared at him, racking my brain, trying to decide what approach is right for him. There are times I've felt like a bad trainer because *MY* methods wernt working but what about how nevy learns? If i want to be a successful trainer i need to read and understand the horse I'm working with. I need to know whats going to work for HIM. he is forcing me to set back and watch him, observe him, and THEN decide how to approach the situation.

I am still struggling with the fact that I think i am the youngest and probably least experienced of all the trainers in the competition. I read some of the bios on the website and felt SO inadequate, like i don't even deserve to be in the same category. And then i start to wonder WHY oh WHY did i pick such a difficult baby? Most of the other babies were sweet and friendly, i think all were halter broke and ready for training. so why did I end up with the scared, nervous, untrusting baby who still doesn't have a halter on after 3 weeks? Did i doom myself? As inexperienced as i am should i have chosen differently? Or did i do the right thing by picking a horse that i KNEW would push me, challenge me, make me feel like a loser and a winner, make me cry and make me laugh. When the perspective changes i realize that this has nothing to do with some silly competition in June, but it has everything to do with a life changing opportunity. Without Nevy i wouldn't be changing and stretching and growing. it may be painful and draining, but wouldn't i be a fool to turn it down? As I'm typing this i am reminded of the Garth Brooks song The Dance... "And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance "


I'm going through a lot of pain and discomfort right now, and i don't know what the end of this crazy ride will be like... but all i know is that this dance is wonderful. And now having the chance to know Nevy... i wouldn't have picked another baby for the world.

Love you Nevy, you are the best teacher I've ever had. <3

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